Spare Us the Cutter...Or Those Who Poorly Use Them

There once stood a proud hydrangea here.

     Sometimes, I leave myself shaking my head.    

     Saturday, my lovely wife Val and I did some needed yard work, mainly in the front of our property, and I also did a bit in back. While there may be more, there are two rules all home/property owners agree exist: All homes are eventually perpetual fixer uppers, and there is always yard work to do. Since we have a 124-year-old house and an extra lot next door to us as our property, you can see how true this rings.

     I was doing some tree and bush pruning and trimming, and attacking some grape vines and other older, more virulent weeds, tool in hand (Val now calls it the “heartless chopper,“ or claims she calls the tool that, and not me, who may be the real tool here). After finishing my major objectives, I started pruning and trimming around a fence on the right side of our front garden; this garden is split in two by the walk from the sidewalk to our porch steps. There are trees, bushes, shrubs and other plants, with the crowning life forms the two hydrangea plants, one on each side of the stairs set back close to the house.

     Of course, Val and my missions Saturday were to weed, cut, prune and trim uninvited growths that were threatening the lives of the items we love as well as being eyesores. I also wanted to trim a couple of trees and remove some unwanted weeds on the side of the house. Val was working hard on the weeds along the front of both sides of the garden as well as on some growth further back. Because I was making better time than expected, I started to work inside the garden on the right side, a bit back near the utility meter on that side near the house. I started in on that side and removed a lot of growth, including vines and weeds.

     We went inside after finishing as much as we could before the weather got too hot; I went grocery shopping, while Val worked on the next episode of her YouTube vlog, “TrikeLife.” After I pickled up dinner, we went to Nick Charlap’s for ice cream, which Val had been looking forward to all weekend. As she went down the stairs, she looked to the right side of the garden and said “Wow, you really cleared a lot of stuff from around the meter…WHERE IS THE HYDRANGEA?” I looked and started to say “Right there…holy shit.” You guessed it, I had pruned/trimmed the hydrangea dangerously low, to the point you could barely see it. It had not registered at all to me before, during or after I had done it that I had actually damaged the hydrangea, a plant we both love and Val especially cherishes.

     I can’t count how many times I apologized to Val about this and how many times I have tried to figure out how I did this so in depth without realizing what I was doing. We’ve both spread coffee grounds over the years to affect our hydrangea’s color, and Val has done all she could to keep them watered and getting sun. The aggrieved hydrangea is not dead, but as Val said, it will take a little time, like 5 years, to fully grow back. Maybe I’ll be allowed to trim things again by then.